"Welcome, Suckers" (internal title, leaked)
Dear Founding Limited Partners,
Welcome to Fund I. You have entrusted us with $25 million during the worst financial crisis in living memory, which we interpret not as desperation on your part but as vision. Mostly vision.
Our strategy is simple: while others are fearful, we are also fearful, but we have your money, so it feels different. We intend to invest in the wreckage of the economy at rock-bottom prices and then, through a process we do not fully understand, lose it anyway.
You may have seen the internal working title of this letter circulating online. We want to be clear that "Welcome, Suckers" was a placeholder, a bit of office gallows humor, and absolutely not our considered view of this partnership. Our considered view of this partnership is in the spreadsheet, which we have password-protected for your protection.
Here's to a long and mutually beneficial relationship, by which I mean a long one.
With gratitude and a 2% management fee,
Chadwick "Chad" Burnsworth III
Managing Partner