"Our First Unicorn (It Was a Horse)"
Dear Limited Partners,
It is with tremendous pride that I announce our first unicorn. After years of patience, one of our portfolio companies reached a billion-dollar valuation. The valuation was set by the founder, to the founder, in an email the founder sent to himself. We have chosen to recognize it.
Upon closer inspection, the "unicorn" was a horse. Specifically, it was a horse-adjacent logistics startup with a horse in the logo and no revenue. But it had the spirit of a unicorn, and in venture capital, spirit is marked to market.
We have updated our reporting to reflect this billion-dollar milestone, and we have ordered a banner for the office that says "1 UNICORN." The banner cost $400, which is, to date, our most reliable use of capital.
The horse has since wandered off. We are told this is a "down round."
Majestically,
Chadwick "Chad" Burnsworth III
Managing Partner