"The Letter We Forgot to Write"
Dear Limited Partners,
We owe you an annual letter for 2014. We did not write one. We are writing it now, retroactively, with the benefit of having forgotten everything that happened.
To the best of our recollection, 2014 occurred. We believe we made investments. There was a holiday party; we have the bar tab, which is the only complete financial record we retained from the year. The bar tab was itemized. The fund was not.
In lieu of specific performance figures, which we cannot locate, please accept our general impression that things were "fine, probably." Our CFO would confirm this, but we have not had a CFO since a misunderstanding in March that we are also unable to recall.
We have implemented a rigorous new process to ensure this never happens again: a sticky note on the monitor that says "WRITE THE LETTER."
Belatedly,
Chadwick "Chad" Burnsworth III
Managing Partner