"Crypto Will Fix This (Vol. 1)"
Dear Limited Partners,
I have seen the future, and it is on a blockchain. After a long and sobering review of our returns, we have concluded that the problem with the fund is not our judgment, our process, or our decisions. The problem is that we were not yet in crypto. We are now in crypto.
We have allocated a portion of the fund — and by "a portion" I mean a number my lawyer has advised me not to print — to a basket of digital assets, tokens, and a coin that a man at a conference assured me "only goes up." He was wearing a lanyard. I trusted the lanyard.
Crypto, I am told, will fix everything: our liquidity, our IRR, my reputation, possibly my marriage. This is the first volume of what I expect will be a recurring update on how crypto has fixed this.
To the moon, and from there, presumably, to your distributions,
Chadwick "Chad" Burnsworth III
Managing Partner