For Immediate Release (we are very excited)
SHITTY VENTURE CAPITAL CLOSES FUND VII AT $500 MILLION, A FUND NOBODY ASKED FOR
SAN FRANCISCO - Shitty Venture Capital, Inc. ("SVC") today announced the final close of its seventh flagship fund at $500 million, despite Funds I through VI returning a combined total of negative everything.
"We are thrilled to have the trust of our Limited Partners," said Managing Partner Chadwick Burnsworth III, who could not name a single one of them. "This fund allows us to do what we do best: collect a two percent management fee on half a billion dollars and figure out the rest later."
Fund VII will continue SVC's disciplined strategy of investing in companies at the precise moment they peak. The firm intends to deploy the entire fund within 18 months, or one bad weekend in Tulum, whichever comes first.
"People ask why anyone gives us money," Burnsworth added. "Honestly, we ask that too. We think it's the fleece vests."
The firm noted that $500 million is "more than enough to lose impressively" and thanked its investors for their continued lapse in judgment.
- # # # -
For an investment in this very fund, click here.